Monday, June 18, 2018

What is Respect?

This captures what the employees of the hospital mean when they say "respect." I am so glad I found it.

I remember an aide with a big mouth and little work ethic yelling at me, in front of everyone, that I am to "respect" her and then, after a period of time determined by her, she would decide if she would "respect" me.

I understood that she was not using the word respect how I understood it. You cannot demand respect. I do not respect someone who screams at me, the charge nurse, and refuses her assignment whenever I work. She wanted to be in charge and I would not bend to her demands. In her mind, this was disrespecting her by not treating her as an authority.

We cannot both be the other's authority. The respect she might show me in the future would not be as an authority figure, but as a person.

I knew something was incongruent at the time, but the above explanation makes it clearer now.

What to do about it, I do not know.

Still Going

I have not written in a while.


Things were okay. Not great. But I was handling the situation.

My work output has slowed considerably. One cause is mental and physical exhaustion. The other is a lack of direction from every direction.

My security rests in the hands of two older women on the verge of retirement. They seem to like me, even though I am becoming increasingly prickly around the edges as time marches on.

I think I can replace one of the women. This will mean a pay raise- if the hospital plays fair, which they do not usually do. I anticipate a battle for this spot because:
1- it pays well.
2- people think the job involves no work.

Recently so much bad stuff has happened that I am once again overwhelmed.  I will explain in separate posts.

Thank you for reading and I hope that you are well.

Feel free to leave comments here.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Left Alone

A nurse quit for another job.

I am proud of her and happy for her.

But she was one of my friends at the hospital.

I think she was the only friend I had left at the hospital, if I ever had any.

And she did not tell me she was leaving.

She was not at work for weeks. She did not answer her phone. I was concerned that she was ill.

She finally responded to me, explaining that she had found a new job and that we should get together soon.

I expressed my happiness for her, which soon faded when I found out that she sent an identical text to many other people.

I guess I was not so special to her.

I would have kept her secret.

Well, she helped me through some difficult times at that hospital, so I am thankful for the time she was in my life.


Monday, January 29, 2018

Elusive Sleep

Hello Everyone!

Sorry for the long time in between writings.

I am exhausted and in pain. All I want to do is sleep, but the pain keeps me awake.

But I keep working! I have to or I will not get paid and I will become homeless. Downward slide.

Will inform you of interesting updates in the coming days.

Thank you all for staying with me.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Stumbling Upon Secrets

This place has changed me.

I am defensive.

But I am not as manipulative as my coworkers. They are not nice, they do not play fair, and they do not stop.

One of the women whose office I cover is evil.

Recently, while covering her office, her memory stick called out with a blinking light.

I viewed the files. Please understand that I have no intention to do anything sinister with the information. In this situation, this information is power. What kind of power, I do not know.

I found:

-She is attending school for a Master’s degree. The quality of her papers leaves much to be desired. Evil Nurse Belle wrote several recommendations. Those two are thick as thieves.

-She is having financial problems. She is behind on her children’s tuition. She claims to be financially responsible for a deceased sister’s children. She wrote a letter to the director of the hospital for a raise outside the provisions of the contract.

I do not know what to do with this information, other than keep it to myself. It provides me with some insight into this woman’s situation. But my insight is often misplaced. Does it follow that her desperation for money will make her do something bad to me?

Thursday, December 28, 2017

It's Not You, It's Us

Happy Holidays!

Sorry I have not been posting.

I am exhausted. I have no idea why.

On the job front, not much has changed. The union continues to talk in circles about my "lateness" in filing a grievance to block the hospital's intended salary cut and repayment.

Four months have come and gone and nothing has been accomplished. That is how things work, or do not work, in this place.

A career coach reviewed my resume, current situation, and goals.

"You will never get another job," was his assessment of me. "You sound weird. You are good where you are because everyone there sounds really weird, so you fit in."

"But I was not like this originally," I explained, to no avail. "They made me weird. They made me defensive. I'm not like them. They are mean and unprofessional."

"No," he reinforced. "You are exactly like your coworkers or they would have gotten rid of you a long time ago."

Have I turned into the same monsters I fight? Was I always like this?

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

When Numbers are Misunderstood

The shop steward, Belle, requested to speak with me about my “job complaint” as she calls it.

I already explained my wage issue with her.

“I don’t want to go to administration and look stupid,” she explained.

You are stupid, I thought. I said, “Of course. Nobody wants to look stupid. So if you want to recuse yourself, I understand.”

She jumped right in, not processing anything I said. “Okay. So what makes you look bad is that you suddenly got a lot of money and didn’t say anything. You knew you should not have gotten this money.”

“I don’t know what windfall you are talking about,” I said.

“No, not windfall,” she explained. “How can I make you understand money?” She paused. “When did you claim you got the job as scheduler?”

“A few years back,” I answered, keeping my replies simple for her simple mind.

“Okay. Exactly.” She responded.

“Exactly what?” I asked.

“This is so hard explaining this to you,” she continued. “You were getting an extra thousand dollars a paycheck for a few years, but then it suddenly stopped after you became scheduler. That tells you that you were being paid wrong, so I’m not clear on what scam exactly you are trying to pull on the hospital, but I cannot be a part of that.”

I stared at her. This was my union representation? Really?

“I was never getting an extra thousand dollars per paycheck. Where would you even come up with this?” I said, letting my annoyance show.

Belle pulled out my salary history. She had misinterpreted the thousand dollar PER YEAR raise for a thousand dollar PER PAYCHECK raise. The raises stopped when I became a scheduler because that coincided with the time that I reached the contractual maximum as specified in the union contract.

She stared at the paper for a few minutes. “Well, I don’t think it’s fair that you should make more than me. You started after me.”

“Maybe you can file a grievance with the union,” I answered. “But you are well beyond the five day limit for filing.”

She stared at me.

I saw her paycheck sticking out of her purse several weeks ago. We make the same amount. So I challenged her. “Look at your paycheck. We make the same.”

She left the room with my salary history. When she returned, she said, “Okay, but I should make more because I was hired before you.”

“Nobody can make more than we do because we are at the maximum,” I explained.

She didn’t get it. “But I’ve been here longer” she pointed out, again.

“You were hired a few months before me, but in the same fiscal year. Those thousand dollar increases are given out July 1st until you reach the cap,” I explained.

“I don’t know anything about a fiscal year, but again, you are talking about stuff that is not in the contract and the administration will never agree to,” she responded.

“Good for you!” I chirped. “So go to administration and demand a salary increase beyond the maximum.”

“No,” she interjected, “Your salary should be lower than mine. The hospital will not go beyond the maximum. You should really read the contract.”

I looked at her and slowly asked, “So are you, as my union representative, not going to advocate on my behalf, not because I am wrong, but because you are personally jealous that I make the same money as you do?”

“How can you say that after all I have done for you?” she shot back.

“What did you do for me?” I asked, calm.

“I reviewed your file!” she snapped.

“Not well,” I responded. “You made a $25,000 error.”

“No I didn’t!” she yelled. “You just make stuff up and lie.”

“An extra thousand dollars per paycheck for a year is $26,000, minus the $1000 I did get, is $25,000 per year that you claimed I was earning in error,” I explained in vain.

“You see, this is why the union can’t help you,” she sneered. “You keep changing your story. First you want a new title, now you want $25,000. You make no sense.”

I said no more as I walked out of the room.