Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Slipping Away

This is how I've been as of late.

I'm not feeling it at work, home, social, nothing.  Little writing.  Little desire to actually do anything.  Food in the fridge suffices for a meal, unless effort is required to assemble it.  I'd rather eat stale cereal than go to the store to buy more food.  If I crave a food, I squash the thought by reviewing the steps necessary to get the food- too much.  If I somehow muster up enough energy to make or get the food I craved, it doesn't taste good.  I remember this the next time I get a craving.

For example, getting coffee requires deviating from my route, which is just too much.  Extra time is required to avoid lateness, which I don't have because I can barely get out of bed.  Parking the car, finding the app on the phone, waiting in line, waiting for the coffee, hoping the app scans, remembering sugar, juggling keys and coffee to get back into the car, spilling the coffee in the car, getting out of the parking spot without getting hit by someone speeding into the lot, then carrying the heavy cup from the car to my desk.  The coffee tastes bitter, so I add sugar until I miss the boundary between bitter and too sweet.

At work in the afternoon, I'm content to stare at the wall until it's time to leave.  If someone calls, it's usually about something simple that they messed up and I'm expected to fix.  Brushing my hair takes everything out of me.  There's no way I'm spending what little energy I have left to get myself home on some avoidable mess created by a Protected Princess.

At home I'm too tired to do anything, yet I can't sleep.

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