Monday, September 14, 2015

Same Patterns

I returned from my lunch break to hear my name continuously paged all over the hospital.

Back at my office, I found a floor nurse waiting for me.  Helen.  She stupid and rude.

"Where were you?" she scolded me.

"You are not my boss," I enunciated slowly to her, and walked past her.  I am not trying to be rude and nasty.  Being polite does not work with most people in this place.  Helen is not in charge of me and the hierarchy must be laid out with every interaction.

The phone was ringing when I opened my office door.  Answering it provided another excellent reason to ignore Helen.  Unfortunately, it was a stupid supervisor.

"Oh my God!  Where were you?" she blurted.  "I've been calling and calling and calling and paging you!"

"I was at lunch.  What's going on?" I replied calmly.  The building was not on fire, so she was overreacting, as usual.

"The patient has refused the procedure!" she blurted.

Not unusual in psych.  Also, many patients had scheduled procedures, and she could not be bothered to specify which patient she was carrying on about.  Also, none of this has anything to do with me.

She carried on about consent, sedation, responsible parties.  I have other things to do, like my own work.  I had to redirect her.  "What exactly is it that you need for me to do?"

"Well, if you don't interrupt me, I am telling you," she retorted.

Silence.

"Hello!  Are you there!" she exclaimed.

"I am here," I answered.

"Well, you didn't say anything, so I didn't know," she said.

"Hello!  Are you still there?" she hyperventilated.

"I am here," I answered calmly.

"When I don't hear anything, I don't know that," she said.

"If you could get to the part about what you need for me to do," I tried again.

"I was just about to tell you, when you interrupted me, again," she responded.

Silence.

"Hello!  Oh my God!  Are you still there?  Why aren't you saying anything?" she blabbered.

This went on and on in circles of nothing.  Finally I said, "Hello?  Hello?  I can't hear you.  Is anyone there?" and hung up.

Helen was still standing there, mesmerized and confused.  "Well?" she asked, annoyed.

"Well, what?" I said.

"This is my patient, so I need to know," she said.

"Exactly.  So go back to your floor and take care of YOUR patient.  Always trying to push your work onto me, just like old times," I said to Helen.

Helen probably didn't comprehend what I said, but she got the flavor of it and fled.

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