Wednesday, November 30, 2016
She who is not to be Trusted
My supervisor left the office for an off-site meeting. Another nurse was sent in her place. (Keep in mind that I am constantly asked to justify my existence in this office. The office could run for a few hours without pulling a nurse from a floor to fill in for my supervisor.)
The substitute arrived right after my supervisor left. One of the witches (not a nurse) who occupies the area called out to the sub and hustled her into an exam room. I hurried to the door to listen.
"Here are the keys," the witch said to the substitute. "At the end of the day, DON'T give them to Enid. Give them back to me."
For the rest of the shift, I pretended that nothing was amiss. I made small chat with the substitute nurse and was very careful to not say anything of substance. I hoped to give her the impression that my supervisor's suspicions of me were baseless.
It didn't work. While helping a doctor with a confused and resistant patient, I laughed along with the patient to distract him and make him more cooperative. The substitute nurse just stood there, not helping. She said, "You see, Enid, this is why people don't like you. When you laugh, you sound evil."
I looked at her with no laugh or smile.
"It's true!" she continued. As if her opinion was a fact that could be true.
I said nothing. The orderly who escorted the patient was supposed to be inside the room to control the patient. Where was he? Down the hall on his phone, oblivious to the circus caused by the patient. Two people who were supposed to be helping the patient were not; instead, one thought it was okay to criticize me personally. It didn't matter that I got the patient through the procedure. The nurse won't mention that part of the day, only that she doesn't like working with me.
On the inside, I was a swirl of negative emotions. I felt stupid for staying in the job, stupid for not being able to find another position, stupid for not being able to fix this. I am stagnate in this job. This halts not only my professional growth, but it is so emotionally draining that I have no energy left for personal growth and development.